Running

“I’m like a book you have to read. A book can’t read itself to you. It doesn’t even know what it’s about.” ― Christopher Isherwood, A Single Man

Everyone has lots of thoughts running through their mind, we all have thoughts running through our minds every minute we’re awake. From the moment we open our eyes in the morning and decide that we are now, we are here in the present, thoughts will collectively swarm the mind like a bee hive in the middle of summer. So it’s not
surprising that some of these thoughts are likely to be negative, particularly if we’re
having a tough time or we’re still upset about bad things that have gone on in the past. For some of us the noise becomes so loud that nothing is able to drown out the constant buzz of negativity and as people tend to do with bees and other insects, we run.

This is totally normal and it happens to us all. Our thoughts really affect how we feel especially when we’re thinking about ourselves, other people or our situation in very negative ways. Over thinking, not thinking enough, reacting to negative thoughts with even more negative actions, it’s all an endless cycle that the hive mind just can’t get out of. We think about the past and how we could have done things differently, how we could have reacted, how if we had just said one thing, one sentence differently we could be living completely different lives. We get stuck thinking about the future, what will happen? When will things change if they ever do? Am I ever going to feel comfortable within myself and will anybody ever find that within me that I fail to see and love it anyway? More often than not, the sadness, anger, frustration and anxiety wins, taking away from the here and now that you woke up to. The buzzing continues and so you continue to run. And if we dwell on our negative thoughts and turn them over and over in our mind, they affect us even more. It’s the same if we try to block them out or drive them away with whatever coping mechanisms we’ve picked up. Why? Because doing any of these things just keeps us focused on our thoughts. Like swatting a bee away, it’ll temporarily leave you alone but in the end you’re just going to piss it off and have it come back ten times angrier.

But we don’t have to listen to our negative thoughts. We may not be able to prevent those thoughts from coming into our mind, like an insect that flies around your room because you left the window open, but we can decide what we do about them when this happens. At the end of the day, you can’t live your life behind closed doors and windows need to be opened and bugs will always be there. Crucially, we can remind ourselves that our negative thoughts are just thoughts and that we don’t have to listen to them. And we certainly don’t have to act on them. The brain has an incredible talent for picking itself apart but sometimes it just takes a step back to realise that you are still in control of your actions and yes, it’s easy to say “It’s all in your head”, but this doesn’t help when you’re in there too.

I think the key is that it’s worth remembering that we don’t have to feel bad for no reason because alongside the negative thoughts and anxiety and sadness comes that unfathomable sense of guilt. Everybodies issues are big and important to them because they are their own. Your stubbed toe is my broken ankle and, well, you get the idea.
Whatever stage of our life we’re at, when we feel anxious, angry or low, it’s often because we’re looking at situations in ways that are not really accurate. We’re allowing that part of the brain to exaggerate the circumstances and we’re allowing the hive to swarm and continue to drown out any sense of reason. So we might think something is our fault when, in truth, we’re not to blame or we may believe there’s nothing we can do to change what happens to us when actually we can. You may feel totally alone when you’re in fact surrounded by people who love and care for you in endless ways. When we get into these negative ways of thinking, we can get upset when there might be no real reason for us to feel bad.

So the trick is to try to recognise when the buzzing begins to start, notice the sound in the distance before it becomes too loud to drown out and stop it before it becomes a problem. Otherwise you’re left to face them head on and depending on the types of thoughts; you may or may not be able to rationalise them. The easiest solution, is to recognise your own triggers, recognise what releases the hive mind to begin with and simply take a step back and look at how accurate your thoughts really are. And if you can, think in a calm, balanced way that’s based on the reality of each situation rather than how you’re feeling, that’s a strength that will never leave you. It’s easier said than done, I know, but it’s one of those ‘practice makes perfect’ kind of deals.