Turn Off the Lights

“You asshole, you love and that’s how you are in love. Any expert, observing

human bodies, can see how she’s exceptional, how she ruins us all” – You Love, You Wonder, By Brenda Shaughnessy

Leaving a relationship, for any reason, is never easy: this is a common fact. But in the end you realise some other common facts; that it was for a reason, that you’ll get over it eventually and that somewhere down the line a relative or friend has informed you you’re better off without them.

There is one thing that’s almost never thought of however; starting a new one.

As Valentine’s Day once again approaches, I am left to wonder why being alone is more and more acceptable today than it ever has been.

When starting a new relationship there are many questions one has to consider; what am I looking for? Who am I looking for? Do I want a one night stand or a pre-nup and a house in the suburbs? Whatever it is, the real question is am I ready?

When are you ever ready to really open up again to one person, in any way? Sometimes it’s almost as if you’ve been stood in a room full of cockroaches and you’ve just turned the lights on. All the bugs scatter and you’re stood in an empty kitchen all alone with a day old pizza. However, the minute you turn the lights off and stop looking all the cockroaches come crawling back out ready to fuck off the minute you decide to start looking again. How long do we intend to keep the lights off? When’s the appropriate amount time to wait before turning them back on? Or are we better off not looking and letting whatever is hiding in the dark just come and get us?

I believe that on some level we are all cockroaches; crawling in and out of each others lives perpetually wandering around in the dark bumping into each other by accident. It not only explains why we consistently crawl up to people who aren’t interested but also why the minute somebody turns their lights on and shows any interest most of us run and hide.

In the same sense maybe we’re all better off keeping the lights off. Maybe we should stop actively looking and let whomever and whatever stumble into our lives, stop trying and just enjoy every relationship we should perhaps make on the way.

To answer my original question: The truth is it doesn’t matter how long you wait or how you find it, you’ll never be ready. You’ll never be ready for the long nights or the first kisses and butterflies in your stomach. All we can do is hope that when we find it, it’ll last and it will be right.

Otherwise you can all switch off the lights, right?